I'm Single and Thirsty

I'm Single

July 2nd. It's been EXACTLY 5 months since my relationship ended. The breakup that I thought was going to break me. For days and weeks after, I did not know how I was going to get through it. I could not believe I was single. I did not want to be single. I couldn't understand why God had allowed my relationship to fall apart. I cried and prayed and prayed and cried. Day by day, God worked on my heart. Now it's been 5 months, and I don't feel the same hurt and pain that I felt before. I never would have made it without God. I was holding on to that relationship and I was unable to heal. Once I realized "I'm single", I was able to move forward.

I'm Thirsty

July 2nd. It's been EXACTLY 1 month since I moved to San Antonio, Texas from Athens, Georgia. Since I've been in San Antonio, I realized that I'm now one of those single, thirsty women.  I know you're probably thinking "whaaaat? She actually admits to being thirsty?" Yes! I am thirsty.  According to Urban Dictionary 😊 thirsty means 1) too eager to get something or 2) desperate. Much like other singles, I am eager for love and affection. Or to be honest, I'm desperate for love and affection. I thought I was desperate for love from a man. I began to look in look in all the wrong places. However, I knew I was not in the right mental or emotional state to receive that love. I was tired of looking for fulfillment in one place and being disappointed.Then I was reminded of John 4:13-14 , Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."

What This Means

 I was drinking the WRONG water! I realized that what I needed, no man could give it to me. No relationship could fill the void except a relationship with God. Yes, I'm a saved Christian. Baptized in Jesus' name and filled with the Holy Ghost. But I was thirsty for a deeper relationship with Christ. Since I've been in San Antonio, God has really been moving in my life. He has been speaking to me like never before. He has been giving me inspiration and so many great ideas. I am thankful to be feeling his presence so strongly. If you're feeling stressed, disappointed, angry, sad, you've probably been drinking the wrong water. I urge you to turn to Jesus and receive the living water.  His spirit will cause you to never be thirsty again and grant you eternal life.  I can proudly say, "I'm single and thirsty... for God's presence."

I pray that God blesses each of you who took the time to read this.

-Memoirs of Jazz

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Farewell to the Classic City

I was born and raised in Athens, Georgia. In 2012, I graduated from Clarke Central High School. I wanted to go to Georgia Southern to escape from the city of Athens. However, I decided that the best decision would be to stay in Athens and go to UGA... AND live at home.

I graduated cum laude from THE University of Georgia on May 13, 2016 with NO student loans. It felt absolutely wonderful. I wrote a blog "A Whole New World Awaits" about my post college plans. (Click here for link). On that day, I also got engaged to my, at the time, boyfriend. Life was good. I decided to stay in Athens and take a year off before grad school. So I accepted a position as Assistant Manager at Chick Fil A in the Tate Student Center on UGA's campus. It was a challenging yet rewarding position. In July 2016, I took another big step, and moved out of my parents house into my own little apartment. 2016 was the best year of my life. 

However, in February of 2017, my fiancé and I broke up. It was devastating to have a relationship like that end. We were best friends for three years and we loved each other very much. Of course, I took the breakup hard.  He was an amazing man and my favorite human being on the planet.  While I was with him, he taught me so much about life. As he exposed me to many different experiences, my mindset began to expand. His ambition and drive pushed me to free my creative being. I will be forever grateful to him and to God for allowing us to meet. 

All my life, I have felt that Athens was not the city for me. The breakup was the very last push to get me to realize I really wanted to move. After experiencing a loss like that, I became depressed. (Click here for link to my post about Depression). I was unhappy with everything in my life.  At the end of April 2017, I got the opportunity to go visit my older sister and her family. The hot weather and palm trees had me captivated as I had always wanted to live in Florida... But I was NOT in Florida. 

While I was there, my sister and I began to talk about how unhappy I was with my life. We talked about my job, my long years in Athens, and my ex. She said I should move to the city that she lived in. She offered to let me move in with her and her family, while I got settled into a new job and the city. I accepted without hesitating. The very next day, I put in my two weeks notice & it was official.

 At the end of May, I will be leaving behind the city of Athens after 22.8 years.  I will adopt a new home as I make the 15 hour drive to... San Antonio, Texas. ( #GoSpursGo )  I am excited beyond measure. Of course, I will miss my family and friends, but I am brimming with anticipation to see what God has in store for me. Farewell to the Classic City. 

Thanks & God Bless.

-MemoirsOfJazz

Mental Health Awareness

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental Health is a topic that is often neglected and downplayed. This post will focus on Depression. 

Depression is a very REAL disease. It is more than just sadness or being dissatisfied with your life. Depression feels like you are suffocated by hopelessness. You feel like you aren't good enough, smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough AND you feel there is no way to change those things. When you're depressed you have to drag yourself out of bed and talk yourself into doing everyday things. You feel like you're on autopilot and emotionally disconnected from the world. 

I have struggled with depression for a few years. I spoke briefly about it in my post "Why I Gave It All Away". (click here for the link). It is something that I have kept concealed because I feel that depression is so stigmatized. Many people do not understand unless they've experienced it. I don't want to be viewed differently or be pitied. So I have to overcompensate. I try to constantly smile, laugh and tell my corny jokes. 

Some days I am fine and can smile and function normally. However, on the worst days, I get a brain fog. I cannot think clearly. I cannot focus on anything.  I am anxious about anything and everything. All I want to do is sleep. I've slept 15 hours a day during my darkest day of depression. 

However, I am learning ways to deal with my depression without using medication. I use prayer, mediation, writing and exercise to relieve my stress, anxiety and feel better. If you are struggling with depression, I encourage you to find and outlet for your feelings.

Prayer is great. God promises to keep us in perfect peace if we keep our mind on Him (Isaiah 26:3). Meditation is also good. Mindfulness is the meditation practice that I enjoy most. Mindfulness focuses on the present and accepting thoughts without judgment. Writing is something that I enjoy. Poems, songs, blog posts, anything to get my feelings out. Exercise works wonders in reducing levels of stress and making me feel better. I workout 3-5 times a week for at least an hour. 

If you know someone who is depressed or you suspect they are, don't judge them. Try to be encouraging. Direct them to this blog post. Give them the space that they need. Help them feel loved and safe in spite of their situation. 

Thanks & God Bless. 

-MemoirsOfJazz 

A Whole New World Awaits

Today is May 13, 2016. Today I graduate from The University of Georgia. It's such a surreal feeling. The past four years of college have flown by. Graduating means that I get asked the infamous question, "So what are your plans for after college". That's a question that I have come to hate over the past couple of months. It's a constant reminder that I am not where I thought I would be in life. I thought that I would have everything together by the time I graduated college. I thought of college graduation as a magical event, where I would be transformed into adulthood & know my life's purpose. However, that hasn't been the case. 

So, here I am. The day of my college graduation. I still have not made a final decision on my next move. However, one thing is certain, I am taking time off before grad school because 1) I'm exhausted from undergrad & 2) I'm not quite sure what direction I want to go in. 

Even though I may feel a little disappointed in myself, one thing that keeps me going is the fact that A Whole New World Awaits. If you're familiar with the movie Aladdin, you'll know the theme  song is A Whole New World. Princess Jasmine & Aladdin sing that song together during the movie, commemorating all the wonderful things in store for them. Many of you are feeling how I am feeling in regards to your life. Maybe you aren't graduating college, but you're looking at where you are & not quite satisfied. You may have had dreams and goals, & now you're struggling to stay afloat. Don't get discouraged. Don't get so focused on the destination that you miss the scenic view among the way. Enjoy life wherever it is taking you. 

The scripture that aligns with "A Whole New World Awaits" is Job 8:7. "Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be." God has so much in store for me and wants to bless me abundantly. I have realized that college graduation isn't the end of it all. I don't have to make a decision right away. I still have time. Life outside of college will be exciting, adventurous, and maybe a little scary but it's a new chapter in which I am very much anticipating. So for those who are curious about my plans after graduation... I will be enjoying life because A Whole New World Awaits. 👑

Why I Gave It All Away

    There is exactly one month and one day  until I graduate from The University of Georgia . I am in awe of how time has flown by the past four years. My time at UGA was filled with achievements, broken dreams, and personal growth.On the outside looking in, it may seem as if I have it all. I'm smart, pretty, liked by most. However, one thing people don't see is the hurt and pain that I've experienced over the past year. Many would never guess that I experienced depression so deep that I once slept 12 hours in one day. Many don't know that I barely remember my 21st birthday. Not because I was so drunk, but because I felt so much emotional pain and was so deep in depression that I blocked out everything going on around me. The doctors tried to label me as _______, but I refused to accept that diagnosis.

       Then two weeks after my birthday, I had surgery on both of my legs. I was in excruciating pain for two weeks after that. My body was rejecting my pain medicine. I had to switch prescriptions several times, but no dosages would help my physical pain. Nothing eased the emotional pain either. However, I appeared to be handling it well becasuse I appeared happy. But inside I was breaking, so I decided to give it ALL away.1 Peter 5:7 , "Cast ALL your anxiety on Him (God) because He cares for you."

        So I gave Him all my worry, pain, doubts and frustrations. I realized that it was too much for me to handle alone. I had become bitter, hardened and unstable because of the many things going on in my life. The depression was just the manifestation of all my stress and anxiety.  But I had enough. So I gave it all away... to Jesus. Now I can say that the sum of what I have gained is greater than everything that I gave away. 2016 has been one of the best years of my life. I have a great support system and  a wonderful boyfriend. I am graduating Cum Laude. I have several job opportunities lined up for after graduation. I am happier, calmer and more confident. I gave it all away and I gained so much more.

     If you're weighed down by stress, pain, frustration or any negative emotion, I challenge you to not let it overwhelm you. Find an outlet, whether it be religion, a hobby or a sport. Don't keep those negative things in your life, be like me, GIVE IT ALL AWAY. 

.:JRSN:.

Wait for the Promise

So many of us are getting to the point in our lives where we are not content. Not necessarily unhappy, just not content. We feel as if we want more out of life. It's easy to become impatient and irritated  with everyone around us. It's not because we are going crazy. It's because God is getting ready to take us to the next level. He's getting ready to give us all the blessings that were promised to us. He won't allow us to be content in a place that we have outgrown.

This moment in our life is so important. We have to push through the discomfort. Keep strong and don't fall for every distraction that comes our way. We have to stay focused on our goals and God so that we can be in the right mindset to receive His promises.

Everything that God has promised to us is already ours we just have to set ourselves up to be in the position to receive those blessings. God tells us to WAIT for the promise. He doesn't tell us to settle. He doesn't tell us to lower our standards. He doesn't tell us not to expect greatness. He simply says wait for the promise. I encourage you all not to get weary, but stay prayed up and wait for the promise.

"And, being assembled together with them, commanded them that they should not depart from Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father, which, saith he, ye have heard of me."

Acts 1:4 (KJV)

Dear Kobe Bryant

Dear Kobe Bryant,

We WON'T forget. 

We won't forget the one who as an 18 year old who proved he could play among the best. 

We won't forget the one who won the dunk contest and started in the All Star Game as a teenager. 
We won't forget the one who scored 30 points in one quarter, TWICE. 

We won't forget the one who made 36 game winning shots.
We won't forget the one who scored 81 points in one game. 
We won't forget the one who made two free throws that inspired a multitude of people. 

We won't forget the one who showed us what hard work and determination was.
We won't forget the one who had us awestruck as we watched history take place. 
We won't forget the one who not only played basketball, but lived, ate, slept and breathed basketball.  

We WON'T forget, because "Heroes come and go, but LEGENDS are forever."

5 NBA Championships

4x NBA All-Star Game MVP

3rd All-Time Scoring

2x USA Olympic Gold Medal Winner

1 Black Mamba

Love you always,

Mamba Supporters

Click here for Kobe's original letter "Dear Basketball"
Click here for a video of Kobe winning the slam dunk contest
Click here and here for videos of Kobe's 30 point quarter games
Click here for a video of Kobe's 36 game winning shots
Click here for a video of Kobe's 81 point game
Click here for a video of Kobe's 2 inspirational free throws