Sunday, July 2, 2017

I'm Single and Thirsty

I'm Single
July 2nd. It's been EXACTLY 5 months since my relationship ended. The breakup that I thought was going to break me. For days and weeks after, I did not know how I was going to get through it. I could not believe I was single. I did not want to be single. I couldn't understand why God had allowed my relationship to fall apart. I cried and prayed and prayed and cried. Day by day, God worked on my heart. Now it's been 5 months, and I don't feel the same hurt and pain that I felt before. I never would have made it without God. I was holding on to that relationship and I was unable to heal. Once I realized "I'm single", I was able to move forward.

I'm Thirsty
July 2nd. It's been EXACTLY 1 month since I moved to San Antonio, Texas from Athens, Georgia. Since I've been in San Antonio, I realized that I'm now one of those single, thirsty women.  I know you're probably thinking "whaaaat? She actually admits to being thirsty?" Yes! I am thirsty.  According to Urban Dictionary 😊 thirsty means 1) too eager to get something or 2) desperate. Much like other singles, I am eager for love and affection. Or to be honest, I'm desperate for love and affection. I thought I was desperate for love from a man. I began to look in look in all the wrong places. However, I knew I was not in the right mental or emotional state to receive that love. I was tired of looking for fulfillment in one place and being disappointed.Then I was reminded of John 4:13-14 , Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."
What This Means
 I was drinking the WRONG water! I realized that what I needed, no man could give it to me. No relationship could fill the void except a relationship with God. Yes, I'm a saved Christian. Baptized in Jesus' name and filled with the Holy Ghost. But I was thirsty for a deeper relationship with Christ. Since I've been in San Antonio, God has really been moving in my life. He has been speaking to me like never before. He has been giving me inspiration and so many great ideas. I am thankful to be feeling his presence so strongly. If you're feeling stressed, disappointed, angry, sad, you've probably been drinking the wrong water. I urge you to turn to Jesus and receive the living water.  His spirit will cause you to never be thirsty again and grant you eternal life.  I can proudly say, "I'm single and thirsty... for God's presence."

I pray that God blesses each of you who took the time to read this.

-Memoirs of Jazz
Click here for my Instagram Page
Click here for my YouTube Channel

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Farewell to the Classic City

I was born and raised in Athens, Georgia. In 2012, I graduated from Clarke Central High School. I wanted to go to Georgia Southern to escape from the city of Athens. However, I decided that the best decision would be to stay in Athens and go to UGA... AND live at home.


I graduated cum laude from THE University of Georgia on May 13, 2016 with NO student loans. It felt absolutely wonderful. I wrote a blog "A Whole New World Awaits" about my post college plans. (Click here for link). On that day, I also got engaged to my, at the time, boyfriend. Life was good. I decided to stay in Athens and take a year off before grad school. So I accepted a position as Assistant Manager at Chick Fil A in the Tate Student Center on UGA's campus. It was a challenging yet rewarding position. In July 2016, I took another big step, and moved out of my parents house into my own little apartment. 2016 was the best year of my life. 

However, in February of 2017, my fiancé and I broke up. It was devastating to have a relationship like that end. We were best friends for three years and we loved each other very much. Of course, I took the breakup hard.  He was an amazing man and my favorite human being on the planet.  While I was with him, he taught me so much about life. As he exposed me to many different experiences, my mindset began to expand. His ambition and drive pushed me to free my creative being. I will be forever grateful to him and to God for allowing us to meet. 
All my life, I have felt that Athens was not the city for me. The breakup was the very last push to get me to realize I really wanted to move. After experiencing a loss like that, I became depressed. (Click here for link to my post about Depression). I was unhappy with everything in my life.  At the end of April 2017, I got the opportunity to go visit my older sister and her family. The hot weather and palm trees had me captivated as I had always wanted to live in Florida... But I was NOT in Florida. 

While I was there, my sister and I began to talk about how unhappy I was with my life. We talked about my job, my long years in Athens, and my ex. She said I should move to the city that she lived in. She offered to let me move in with her and her family, while I got settled into a new job and the city. I accepted without hesitating. The very next day, I put in my two weeks notice & it was official.

 At the end of May, I will be leaving behind the city of Athens after 22.8 years.  I will adopt a new home as I make the 15 hour drive to... San Antonio, Texas. ( #GoSpursGo )  I am excited beyond measure. Of course, I will miss my family and friends, but I am brimming with anticipation to see what God has in store for me. Farewell to the Classic City. 

Thanks & God Bless.

-MemoirsOfJazz

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Mental Health Awareness

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental Health is a topic that is often neglected and downplayed. This post will focus on Depression. 

Depression is a very REAL disease. It is more than just sadness or being dissatisfied with your life. Depression feels like you are suffocated by hopelessness. You feel like you aren't good enough, smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough AND you feel there is no way to change those things. When you're depressed you have to drag yourself out of bed and talk yourself into doing everyday things. You feel like you're on autopilot and emotionally disconnected from the world. 

I have struggled with depression for a few years. I spoke briefly about it in my post "Why I Gave It All Away". (click here for the link). It is something that I have kept concealed because I feel that depression is so stigmatized. Many people do not understand unless they've experienced it. I don't want to be viewed differently or be pitied. So I have to overcompensate. I try to constantly smile, laugh and tell my corny jokes. 

Some days I am fine and can smile and function normally. However, on the worst days, I get a brain fog. I cannot think clearly. I cannot focus on anything.  I am anxious about anything and everything. All I want to do is sleep. I've slept 15 hours a day during my darkest day of depression. 

However, I am learning ways to deal with my depression without using medication. I use prayer, mediation, writing and exercise to relieve my stress, anxiety and feel better. If you are struggling with depression, I encourage you to find and outlet for your feelings.

Prayer is great. God promises to keep us in perfect peace if we keep our mind on Him (Isaiah 26:3). Meditation is also good. Mindfulness is the meditation practice that I enjoy most. Mindfulness focuses on the present and accepting thoughts without judgment. Writing is something that I enjoy. Poems, songs, blog posts, anything to get my feelings out. Exercise works wonders in reducing levels of stress and making me feel better. I workout 3-5 times a week for at least an hour. 

If you know someone who is depressed or you suspect they are, don't judge them. Try to be encouraging. Direct them to this blog post. Give them the space that they need. Help them feel loved and safe in spite of their situation. 

Thanks & God Bless. 

-MemoirsOfJazz