I'm Single and Thirsty

I'm Single

July 2nd. It's been EXACTLY 5 months since my relationship ended. The breakup that I thought was going to break me. For days and weeks after, I did not know how I was going to get through it. I could not believe I was single. I did not want to be single. I couldn't understand why God had allowed my relationship to fall apart. I cried and prayed and prayed and cried. Day by day, God worked on my heart. Now it's been 5 months, and I don't feel the same hurt and pain that I felt before. I never would have made it without God. I was holding on to that relationship and I was unable to heal. Once I realized "I'm single", I was able to move forward.

I'm Thirsty

July 2nd. It's been EXACTLY 1 month since I moved to San Antonio, Texas from Athens, Georgia. Since I've been in San Antonio, I realized that I'm now one of those single, thirsty women.  I know you're probably thinking "whaaaat? She actually admits to being thirsty?" Yes! I am thirsty.  According to Urban Dictionary 😊 thirsty means 1) too eager to get something or 2) desperate. Much like other singles, I am eager for love and affection. Or to be honest, I'm desperate for love and affection. I thought I was desperate for love from a man. I began to look in look in all the wrong places. However, I knew I was not in the right mental or emotional state to receive that love. I was tired of looking for fulfillment in one place and being disappointed.Then I was reminded of John 4:13-14 , Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."

What This Means

 I was drinking the WRONG water! I realized that what I needed, no man could give it to me. No relationship could fill the void except a relationship with God. Yes, I'm a saved Christian. Baptized in Jesus' name and filled with the Holy Ghost. But I was thirsty for a deeper relationship with Christ. Since I've been in San Antonio, God has really been moving in my life. He has been speaking to me like never before. He has been giving me inspiration and so many great ideas. I am thankful to be feeling his presence so strongly. If you're feeling stressed, disappointed, angry, sad, you've probably been drinking the wrong water. I urge you to turn to Jesus and receive the living water.  His spirit will cause you to never be thirsty again and grant you eternal life.  I can proudly say, "I'm single and thirsty... for God's presence."

I pray that God blesses each of you who took the time to read this.

-Memoirs of Jazz

Click here for my Instagram Page

Click here for my YouTube Channel

Mental Health Awareness

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental Health is a topic that is often neglected and downplayed. This post will focus on Depression. 

Depression is a very REAL disease. It is more than just sadness or being dissatisfied with your life. Depression feels like you are suffocated by hopelessness. You feel like you aren't good enough, smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough AND you feel there is no way to change those things. When you're depressed you have to drag yourself out of bed and talk yourself into doing everyday things. You feel like you're on autopilot and emotionally disconnected from the world. 

I have struggled with depression for a few years. I spoke briefly about it in my post "Why I Gave It All Away". (click here for the link). It is something that I have kept concealed because I feel that depression is so stigmatized. Many people do not understand unless they've experienced it. I don't want to be viewed differently or be pitied. So I have to overcompensate. I try to constantly smile, laugh and tell my corny jokes. 

Some days I am fine and can smile and function normally. However, on the worst days, I get a brain fog. I cannot think clearly. I cannot focus on anything.  I am anxious about anything and everything. All I want to do is sleep. I've slept 15 hours a day during my darkest day of depression. 

However, I am learning ways to deal with my depression without using medication. I use prayer, mediation, writing and exercise to relieve my stress, anxiety and feel better. If you are struggling with depression, I encourage you to find and outlet for your feelings.

Prayer is great. God promises to keep us in perfect peace if we keep our mind on Him (Isaiah 26:3). Meditation is also good. Mindfulness is the meditation practice that I enjoy most. Mindfulness focuses on the present and accepting thoughts without judgment. Writing is something that I enjoy. Poems, songs, blog posts, anything to get my feelings out. Exercise works wonders in reducing levels of stress and making me feel better. I workout 3-5 times a week for at least an hour. 

If you know someone who is depressed or you suspect they are, don't judge them. Try to be encouraging. Direct them to this blog post. Give them the space that they need. Help them feel loved and safe in spite of their situation. 

Thanks & God Bless. 

-MemoirsOfJazz 

Get Over Yourself

Sometimes we miss out on our blessings because we are too picky. We give God a list of how we want our blessings to come. We have a "type" and "preference" but we fail to remember that our "type" was what BROKE our hearts and our "preference" led us astray.

We keep telling the Potter what His masterpiece WANTS, when He's trying to give us what we NEED. We keep giving specifics to what we think we want, and we're ignoring the blessings right in our face. We let our pride and prejudices keep us from great things. We try to make our lives look glamorous to other people but have we forgotten that God sees it all?

Maybe if we stop fronting, we will connect with those who God sent into our lives. Maybe if we stop trying to build up our image, we will realize there are so many people like us. If we reject others because of their failure to measure up, we give God (and others), a reason to reject us because of our shortcomings. If God accepts it, what makes us think we are too good to accept it?

We claim that we don't judge, but then we handpick the people who get "the pleasure" of talking to us. Do we not remember that ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God? (Romans 3:23) Are we not aware that everyone has a purpose in the kingdom of God?

Don't be the person who keeps you from your OWN blessing. Get OVER Yourself.

.:JRSN:.

Forget People, Do YOU !!

Don’t let people put you in a box. People will try to say you’re only meant for one thing. People will try to say that one thing DEFINES you. People are WRONG.

Don’t let people limit you. People will try to reason with you and tell you that you’re being unrealistic. People will tell you that you’re “too young, too poor, too little.” People will tell you that you “aren't smart enough, aren't rich enough, aren't qualified enough." DON'T listen to them.

Don’t limit yourself by setting your goals too small to encompass your potential. You have to set goals big enough to cover all the things that you are capable of. Write down your goals and look at them often. Everything you need to be successful. YOUR definition of successful is within YOU.

You future depends on the goals you set today. If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to set goals and stick with them. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your goals. To be talked out of your goals is to be talked into a life full of MISERY. To be talked out of your goals is to be talked out of your DESTINY.

Remember, what’s for you is for you and it WILL be for you. So claim it. 

.:JRSN:. 

Looking

Looking around,

I see everyone is in pain,

Yet they smile,

But what is to gain?

Looking around,

I see everyone is in distress,

Hearts so heavy,

Who made this mess?

Looking within,

I’ve felt so much sorrow,

Cried so many tears,

Waiting for a better tomorrow,

Looking within,

This life can be rough,

I put walls up,

In my attempt to be tough,

Looking up,

I feel so much relief,

I know there’s hope,

It has replaced my grief

Looking up,

I see the light,

God made a way,

Out of this terrible plight

.:JRSN:.

Don't Force It

The hardest concept to understand is that God is spiritual and because of that, he doesn't work based on time. He sees our lives as a whole. If we try to make things happen before it's time, it won't work. Even if we're sure it's the right thing. If it's not the right time, it won't work till that time. The right thing at the wrong time can ruin us. It can crush our hopes and cause us to give up. We're too impulsive and we try to make things work, but if it's meant to be, it will be unmistakably clear at the right time. 

You may try and fail 100 times, when all you needed was 101. That right time. Sometimes we are so sure someone/something is meant to be in our lives, but we have confused their role in our lives. God brings everything in our lives for a reason that we may not even know and by trying to force it in a position where it doesn't belong we can mess up what it was actually meant to do in our lives.

Like trying to push a circle-shaped block into a triangle slot, it'll never work because that's not where it was intended to be. Eventually the circle will get damaged from trying to fit where it doesn't belong and when it finally gets to the circle slot, it'll be so damaged it won't fit properly. Don’t force it.

.:JRSN:.