Mental Health Awareness

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental Health is a topic that is often neglected and downplayed. This post will focus on Depression. 

Depression is a very REAL disease. It is more than just sadness or being dissatisfied with your life. Depression feels like you are suffocated by hopelessness. You feel like you aren't good enough, smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough AND you feel there is no way to change those things. When you're depressed you have to drag yourself out of bed and talk yourself into doing everyday things. You feel like you're on autopilot and emotionally disconnected from the world. 

I have struggled with depression for a few years. I spoke briefly about it in my post "Why I Gave It All Away". (click here for the link). It is something that I have kept concealed because I feel that depression is so stigmatized. Many people do not understand unless they've experienced it. I don't want to be viewed differently or be pitied. So I have to overcompensate. I try to constantly smile, laugh and tell my corny jokes. 

Some days I am fine and can smile and function normally. However, on the worst days, I get a brain fog. I cannot think clearly. I cannot focus on anything.  I am anxious about anything and everything. All I want to do is sleep. I've slept 15 hours a day during my darkest day of depression. 

However, I am learning ways to deal with my depression without using medication. I use prayer, mediation, writing and exercise to relieve my stress, anxiety and feel better. If you are struggling with depression, I encourage you to find and outlet for your feelings.

Prayer is great. God promises to keep us in perfect peace if we keep our mind on Him (Isaiah 26:3). Meditation is also good. Mindfulness is the meditation practice that I enjoy most. Mindfulness focuses on the present and accepting thoughts without judgment. Writing is something that I enjoy. Poems, songs, blog posts, anything to get my feelings out. Exercise works wonders in reducing levels of stress and making me feel better. I workout 3-5 times a week for at least an hour. 

If you know someone who is depressed or you suspect they are, don't judge them. Try to be encouraging. Direct them to this blog post. Give them the space that they need. Help them feel loved and safe in spite of their situation. 

Thanks & God Bless. 

-MemoirsOfJazz 

Get Over Yourself

Sometimes we miss out on our blessings because we are too picky. We give God a list of how we want our blessings to come. We have a "type" and "preference" but we fail to remember that our "type" was what BROKE our hearts and our "preference" led us astray.

We keep telling the Potter what His masterpiece WANTS, when He's trying to give us what we NEED. We keep giving specifics to what we think we want, and we're ignoring the blessings right in our face. We let our pride and prejudices keep us from great things. We try to make our lives look glamorous to other people but have we forgotten that God sees it all?

Maybe if we stop fronting, we will connect with those who God sent into our lives. Maybe if we stop trying to build up our image, we will realize there are so many people like us. If we reject others because of their failure to measure up, we give God (and others), a reason to reject us because of our shortcomings. If God accepts it, what makes us think we are too good to accept it?

We claim that we don't judge, but then we handpick the people who get "the pleasure" of talking to us. Do we not remember that ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God? (Romans 3:23) Are we not aware that everyone has a purpose in the kingdom of God?

Don't be the person who keeps you from your OWN blessing. Get OVER Yourself.

.:JRSN:.

Year Twenty

Year twenty, God has brought me thus far,

Even though things were a little bizarre,

A change has come upon my life,

Receiving liberation from hurt and strife,

Take a look around, I’m not where I used to be,

When did I change into a better me?

Everything that happened, good and bad,

Nurtured me to appreciate the life I had,

Take a look around, I like the view, 

Year twenty, I don’t look like what I’ve been through 

.:JRSN:.

2013 Reflections: Let Go and Let God

2013 was without a doubt the worst year of my life. It was full of so much hurt, pain and disappointments. So many heartaches and headaches that I cannot even number them all. I learned in this year at age 18 and 19 what most people don’t learn until their 30s. My relationships with other people seemed to get worse as my relationship with God got stronger. God begin revealing things to me that I wasn’t ready to accept. I wasn’t ready to let go of a lot of things and people that I knew were bringing me down. It took me all the way until this month, December, for me to truly understand everything and accept it. All the sleepless nights, all the nights I spent crying, all the people who showed me their true colors. It was all for a reason. I thought I was grown at the beginning of the year but now here, the last day of the year, I realize most of my growth came this month. I understand it all now. I truly do. I realize that I don’t look like what I been through. I realize that my greater is coming. I realize that I’m more than a conqueror. I realize I had to let go and let God.

To everyone that hurt me in 2013, no hard feelings. You were a lesson. I know I hurt some people as well, whether intentional or unintentional. I know I was probably a lesson to some people. It's life. People hurt people. But I made a choice. You should too. Choose to get BETTER not BITTER !

So while 2013 was the worst year of my life, it was also the best. You see, I grew from all the bad. Like Alicia Keys said, “Yes, I was burned but I call it a lesson learned.” Although, I experienced so much pain, I’m thankful that I was able to learn from all the pain. I don’t have to go through that stuff again, because I passed the test. All the bad is in the past. So while this year was the best year of my life, it was also the worst year. And I’m confident that this will stay the worst year of my life, as each year will get better and better as God continues to bless me. It took me to lose everything to realize that I had to let go and let God.

.:JRSN:.

Do You Appreciate My Tears?

I try so hard to hold myself together. I desperately attempt to be strong. Seeking for answers, I always seem to do wrong.

The thing about pain is that it is inevitable. We cannot live our lives without pain. To go through life trying to escape pain, is to go through life without living at all. Pain is not the issue. The issue is how we let pain affect us. Some of us let our pain wear and tear on our mental and physical state of well-being. It drains us to the point where we feel we have nothing left to give. We go through life numb. We don’t allow our hearts to feel anything, because to open our heart would present an opportunity for pain to enter. By closing our hearts, we have closed the door to growth, insight and wisdom. Pain is not simply meant to hurt us. Pain is meant to teach us a lesson: to give us experience and knowledge in a memorable sense. We can associate our pain with memories, growth and insight.

I try so hard to feel something. I desperately attempt to open my heart. It isn’t easy. By closing my heart, I blocked my own joy, peace, and sense of fulfillment.  My closed heart didn’t just keep others out, but it kept me locked in. My spirit was not able to be at peace, because I was holding back the very essence of who I am: My love and care for others.

What is pain except the absence of comfort? Growth does not come until we exit our comfort zone and embark on the journey of the unknown.

I don’t shed many tears out in the open. I prefer to cry in the solitude of my own bedroom. So when you see my tears, don’t wonder why I cry. Don’t try to figure out who did me wrong and why. Don’t pretend to understand. My tears represent more than the pain that I have experienced. They represent my past, present and future. They represent the person that I was, am, and have yet to become. When you see my tears don’t be frightened or surprised. Just appreciate them because I’m giving you confirmation of my growth. 

.:JRSN:.

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Don't Force It

The hardest concept to understand is that God is spiritual and because of that, he doesn't work based on time. He sees our lives as a whole. If we try to make things happen before it's time, it won't work. Even if we're sure it's the right thing. If it's not the right time, it won't work till that time. The right thing at the wrong time can ruin us. It can crush our hopes and cause us to give up. We're too impulsive and we try to make things work, but if it's meant to be, it will be unmistakably clear at the right time. 

You may try and fail 100 times, when all you needed was 101. That right time. Sometimes we are so sure someone/something is meant to be in our lives, but we have confused their role in our lives. God brings everything in our lives for a reason that we may not even know and by trying to force it in a position where it doesn't belong we can mess up what it was actually meant to do in our lives.

Like trying to push a circle-shaped block into a triangle slot, it'll never work because that's not where it was intended to be. Eventually the circle will get damaged from trying to fit where it doesn't belong and when it finally gets to the circle slot, it'll be so damaged it won't fit properly. Don’t force it.

.:JRSN:.

Stop Playing the Victim

You have the main role in every aspect of your life. You need to be more focused and not let your feelings control you. You were not meant to be mediocre. You were meant to succeed.You were not meant to just survive. You were meant to thrive. Every situation that you have gone through has made you into who you are.  It's transforming you into who you are MEANT to be. You are capable of success. You will do great things, but it starts with discipline.

You cannot change the past anymore than you can control the future. You need to let go. You have to realize that anything that did not happen was because it was not MEANT to be. Anything that did happen was because it was MEANT to happen. God makes NO mistakes. As hard as some things are to let go, holding on is more harmful than the thing itself. Life does go on. 

Every failure was not a result of your inadequacy but simply the ending of something that was NEVER intended to be. Although, it was painful, the lesson that was learned was greater than the pain that was felt. That is why you should not regret anything that you went through. It did NOT kill you.  Instead, you learned valuable lessons. YOU grew stronger and wiser. Stop playing the victim and realize what you have gained. 

.:JRSN:.